Its All Just Circumstantial
Another question asked recently was “at what point did you know that you would move to Morocco? Did it happen slowly or all at once? You’ve traveled to a lot of places, why was this different?”
It happened slowly over time and all at once. It actually first really occurred to me in Chefchaouen. Day 6 maybe? I was staying in a gorgeous little 30 room hotel in the north, and it occurred to me that I could manage that place. No problem. It was my first glimpse of possibility and reality joining hands.
The other thing that happened in Chefchaouen was something that I had read in Shantaram and it really stuck with me. It was a concept between two people who eventually became lifelong friends. Prabaker had explained that there are certain moments, things that happen, words that are spoken, when you look at someone and you think “There, that. That’s when I started loving you.” It has nothing at all to do with romantic love, and everything to do with friendship. That conscious moment when something happens and you just know that someone has just moved much closer to the centre of your heart. I had a few moments like that there, and my heart opened. I had gone with a very open mind, and there I was with a newly opened heart.
The rest was slow. I started to see a path in. I am one of those people that tortures myself every time I visit a place with “could I live here? Is this it?” I do it on every single trip. Sometimes its an immediate “no way.” Other times I think, “Huh. Maybe.” This time I was in the definite maybe aisle. But someone in Chefchaouen advised, “Come back. Stay. Look around when you’re on your own. See if you like it.” And this is exactly the plan for me. I heard the same advise in the desert. But that time it was, “come back in January and stay two months.” Things got a little more specific. Plans started to be made. My decision to move to Morocco was a general one, and only after some time and talking did it narrow down to Marrakech specifically. And Marrakech became the choice before I had even been there. So I didn’t fall in love with the city and make a decision. I made a decision based on the best place to find opportunity, and it happened to work out when I went there. I really liked Marrakech. I could see myself living there.
So ok, sure. I was in Morocco with an open mind and now a newly opened heart, and I was liking what I saw and things started to line up nicely. But let’s take a giant step back for a minute. A giant step.
To my circumstances. Because I am able to do this whole adventure based on my unique circumstances. My convergence of resources, desire, need, and freedom. There was a gap in my universe. The gap I had been looking for, for many years. And when it finally opened up to a tangible place, I jumped immediately. Never to look back.
I’m living in house that I can’t afford to maintain. I was working in a job that was ok. But just ok. That’s all. I was building a business that I wasn’t 100% completely passionately committed to. Why? Because I didn’t want to put down anchor in Ontario. I knew all along that I was ONLY in Ontario because of my parents. And my parents have been gone for 6/8 years. I was really ready to move, and my circumstances were right, and I found an opening and I took it. Could I have done this years ago? Maybe. But realistically, not while my parents were alive. Then I had to take a few years to right the ship. Then I found a general blurry vision of something…..overseas…..a goat….a new experience…….
You have to take constant stock of your circumstances. Listen to your heart. Your vision doesn’t need to be crystal clear. Just a blur is ok. Figure out a general back drop for your life. Assess your resources. Open your heart and look around. Listen. But for goodness sake – if you aren’t happy, you have to do SOMETHING. You owe it to yourself. Because you are all you’ve got. When the opportunity presents itself just say YES. Figure out the rest later.
And no. Not one time. I have not had one doubt about my decision. And that gives me a lot of strength to move forward.